Four kinds of dates, four different headaches

The dating world can make any single girl want to commit to a nunnery. But every once in a while, when I meet an interesting guy, I’ll decide to leave the comfort of my sofa and go on a date. I’ll put on my fancy shoes and take an extra five minutes or so putting on my makeup, all in hopes that it’s worth missing an episode of “Breaking Bad.”

The first date should be fun, easy and leaving me wanting to call my mom to brag right after. But time and time again, I’m disappointed and quickly lose interest.

Here are four reasons that have me headed straight back to my sofa.

The Bad Texter:  After I give a guy my number, I actually prefer the guy to send me a text rather than calling. However, texting me “what up doe” or “what chu up to 2nite” not only makes me cringe but also instantly wanting to delete your number.  There’s no way I can sit through a whole date knowing you don’t know the proper way to spell “doe” or, even worse, that you prefer it that way.

The Ghost of the Ex: Here I am trying to enjoy my rib-eye steak and somehow, I’ve become your therapist. While you’re going on and on about how your ex never cared, I’m looking at you like, “wow, she really did some damage. Where is that damn waitress with our check?”

Don’t be pushy:  The absolute worst types of guys are the ones that expect a home run on the first date.  Telling me about how “experienced” you are just makes me wish I would have worn a turtleneck instead of a lacey dress. Calm down; get your hand off my lap because I ain’t scared to whip out the pepper spray.

Talk too much/show off:  In words of Shania Twain, “that don’t impress me much.” Telling me about all the things you own just gives me a headache. Plus, it’s probably all in your mom’s name anyway. There’s no need to be a show off. Relax, I already agreed to go out with you – there’s no need to keep convincing me you’re cool.

Just be yourself. And if that doesn’t work, be a gentleman.

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