Don’t ask me to kill

As the new semester has started, I look around and see all the bright and young faces ready to start their college careers here at American River. I make sure and find my “30 feet from” air that is for non-smokers, hide behind a tree and light my cigarette. Like a moth to flame, someone will be attracted to the smoke. That person will then fly over like a vulture, asking for a cancer stick. The answer from now on is, I will not kill the student population. Stop asking me for cigarettes.

And it’s not because I am trying to hoard my smokes to get on some television show. I’m just stupid. Anyone who smokes cigarettes lacks a basic intelligence. We hear the warnings; we know how bad it is for us, yet we continue to do it. Cancers and diseases caused by smoking kill more than 443,000 people every year according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. These numbers also include people who die from secondhand smoke. I know and understand this. If you smoke, you probably do too. We’d be better off and have better luck re-creating a certain scene from “The Deer Hunter.”

That’s all we really do every time we light up. We are playing a losing battle of Russian roulette. And the issue does go deeper as to why I will not give you cigarettes and kill you anymore.

I’m just greedy.

Cigarettes are getting really expensive so why would I give any of them away for free? Giving me 10 or 25 cents for one will not replace the one I lost either; stores are not allowed to sell loose cigs anymore. I’m not going to take all the change I have collected and buy more cigarettes later, I have probably put that change in some vending machine for caffeine that makes me hyper and can possibly give me a heart attack.

Stop asking me if I have an “extra cigarette.” I don’t. Marlboro doesn’t sell them 21 to a pack, that extra one waiting specifically just for you.

Stop making rude comments when I don’t give you a cigarette. That makes about as much sense as thanking me for forcing you to watch “Transformers 3.”

And last but not least, let’s all stop smoking cigarettes. Let’s finally steal the Marlboro man’s horse and turn it into glue. We as smokers should stand up and send a clear message to big tobacco companies:

Marijuana is more fun and tastes better.