How soon is too soon?

Mayra Sanchez, Opinion Editor
February 27, 2013
Filed under Column, On the xo

We all have our own rules when it comes to dating. Mine include: no kissing on the first date, the man should always pay, and always meet in public.

But when it comes to hooking up, how soon is too soon?

In Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Woman, Think like a Man, ” he states that a woman should always make a man wait at least 90 days before hooking up with him. That’s three whole months. That’s longer than some people’s longest relationships these days.

Do men really wait that long? I have heard countless times from friends that we live in a generation that doesn’t believe in love. The romantic days are a thing of the past, and men don’t care to wait for it. I mean, I have friends who have slept with women before ever even taking them out to dinner. And, to make things worse, college is a mecca of one night stands and “call me maybe’s.”

We no longer care to be swept of our feet or wined and dined. I don’t believe that waiting a predetermined amount of time will result in a better future together. I’d rather follow Jewel’s advice and rely on pure intuition. If I feel that I’m ready to take it there, then I go for it.

I have, however, made the mistake of hooking up with someone far too early before realizing that we would probably be better off as friends, or how much I hate his taste in music.

The most common problem I hear from my friends, and a problem that I’ve also encountered, is sleeping with a man you truly liked too early and, as a result, he stops talking to you, therefore ruining any hopes for a future relationship.

When the relationship is solely based on sex before ever knowing the person, it’s hard to build a solid foundation on bed sheets.

It’s left me to wonder if I had waited, instead rushing into sex, how different those relationship may have turned out.

I do recommend Steve Harvey’s advice to an extent. If you are looking for a serious relationship, then take sex seriously. Waiting to hook up may allow you to feel more in control of where the relationship is going.

Maybe three months is a little farfetched, but waiting until you feel respected enough to get serious can only help your future relationship. There should be no rush, and if the guy is a true gentleman, he will wait. If not, then he probably only wanted one thing anyway.


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